I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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