Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
