I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
