dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
