I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
