I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
