I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
