at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
