Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
