He asked me if I "almost moaned"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
