I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
