Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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