that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
