You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
