happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
