Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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