so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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