some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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