Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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