You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
