After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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