I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im holly from the hills drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
