She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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