She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
