What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
