We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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