In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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