had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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