Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
