I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
