He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
