I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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