I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
