My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
