Farmville is her only friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
