is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
