Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
