he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
