Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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