Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
