I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
