Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
