Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
