garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
