its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
