dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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