ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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