PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
