im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
