He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
