im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
