im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
