Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
