can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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