Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
