you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
