I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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