Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
